A bit about jury duty

I know my girl Sil will have far more to speak on this category later today as she is currently sitting in lock up.

i keed i keed - she got served and is doing her civic duty by showing up at the courthouse and sitting around for a few hours with the most random bunch of people in Manhattan.

Everyone has their jury duty stories, there aren't many that are too distinct at this point - we've all heard the one about the guy with the nose hair problem, and the woman who talks to herself, and the guy who mistakenly thought this was Jury Booty and showed up ready to meet a purdy woman to git busy with in the bathroom.

But a few tips from someone who spent last January as Juror #3 on a NY State Grand Jury. I will say, it was one of the most fun times of my life.

First off, make friends with the security guards - they are stopping the possible crazies from bringing in a shiv, a gun or a tootsie pop (those things could be dangerous, yet delicious, when used in the proper way). They also provide you with a guest pass when you forget your real Big Girl Jury Pass, every. single. morning. They also look the other way when you by mistake send your Iced Venti Sugar Free Vanilla Skim Latte through the X-Ray machine, knocking it over and making a bit of a mess of the briefcase that sadly entered after you. (my sincere apologies to both the lawyer, and the defendant who probably lost their case because of a not-completely-on-lid.

Which brings us to Starbucks - anyone serving in NYC, there is no, i repeat no, Starbucks in the direct path from the 4-5-6 train to the courthouse - take a left at the steps featured prominently in Law and Order and a right at the pigeons - you'll find it. If you pass Family Court you've gone too far. Look at your drink before you leave - my aforementioned ridiculously large drink was once substituted for a Venti Milk.

Law and Order and Actual Court have absolutely nothing in common, except that Sam Waterson is in the video entitled "Why It is Important That You Miss Your Actual Day Of Accomplishing Something To Sit Here and Listen to 9,000000 Drug Cases" or something equally ridiculous. I love Law and Order, and i will admit to being partially excited about Jury Duty if only to see Elliot Stabler testify that yes, in fact, the body was found under the pipe in the deserted warehouse just as the psychic said. Instead i got to see numerous boxy pants suits and undercover cops who we were not allowed to wave too outside the courtroom. (You don't wave to 'convicted drug dealers')

If you do end up on trial, hone your baking skills - everyone likes the juror who brings homemade cookies. (except if that juror is the one who coughs up a lung every morning while drinking what looks like the same milk as yesterday) - shout out to you Mrs. Hacking Cough in the Front Row!)

Also, just accept the fact that Juror # 9 knows everything about anything and will tell you loudly about all of it. He was a cop, he knows a cop, he lives on the same street as a guy who cuts the hair of a cops step-aunts younger brother who died. He is slightly too large to sit in his chair, and likes to harrump at any opinion that is not exactly the same as his - he will like your cookies though, but will not say so.

In closing, pick a fun word as your 'memory jogger' for trials lasting more then a few days. We used 'Superman' once - as the coke packets in the trial had a superman logo, and 'Country Club' which gives you the wrong impression - country club is actually a ridiculously cheap beer (cheaper then Natty Light) that was a huge part of a trial involving a 'former' alcoholic, laundry, a knife, and 2 people who just couldn't get their stories straight.

All in all the Jury Duty experience can be a pleasant one - i actually signed up to be called again in 2, rather then 8 years - hopefully i will get on a the case when Elliot and Olivia are there, if not - Juror #9 - i'll be looking for you.